I think it is clear that I am not able to learn and grow in the space I am so familiar with, which is the studio. To not be around other dancers is a big shift for all of us, dance is so communal and social. That aspect is very difficult and it has affected me because I am literally dancing in my room by myself. Trying to find the passion and motivation that I normally have instantly when I step inside a studio is hard in a secluded area. It is difficult but necessary for all of our growth. I am appreciative of it now but when it first happened my heart was broken and I was so frustrated, I cried for days. Not being able to be in the studio with people was like an identity crisis and I didn’t know what I was going to do. That was really hard, but it has definitely taught me so much as well.
Petrified. I didn't expect my senior year to come to a close this fast. I didn't have to expect to look for a job when there are none. We trained for this for so long but no one said when it would come, or that it would come like this. I am taking it and being open with it. Our field is hurting right now, but we have created so many beautiful things from the pain, confusion, and disappointment. As far as getting a job, I have to be patient. I understand if companies can’t hire because they don't have the funds. I know the U.S. government does not fund the performing arts like they fund sports. Just because I don't have a company spot, I know that doesn’t mean I am any less or more of a dancer. This pandemic is global and huge and important and I am not expecting to get a job right after this because we will have to heal after this is over as well. As a dance industry and world, I understand there will be time we need to take to heal.